Nick Maple: The Less Awesome Captain America
by MandCareAwesome
Summary: An impassioned and lively tale of how Captain America comes to meet his match; or maybe his best friend?
1. Chapter 1

The story of Nick Maple: the less awesome Captain America.

Avengers © Marvel Comics

It was a slow day at SHIELD; no alien invasions, no terrorist attacks, not even a bank robbery had been reported. The avengers were growing bored.

"So, who wants to have some fun?" Questioned Stark.

"I'm going home." Said Natasha.

"Hey, lighten up a little! I was just trying to help." Responded Tony.

"Then go rob a McDonalds so we actually have something to do." Natasha replied.

"Yeah, well-" Tony was cut off by a loud noise. It sounded as though a satellite had been dropped to earth. They ran to the window and looked outside, seeing a bright light.  
"This light!" Said Thor, "It burns like a burning tree!"

"We're not in twilight and you are not a vampire. Suck it up." Said none other than Tony.

"We should probably see what that is." Suggested Captain America.

The Avengers ran towards the exit to investigate the strange object. When they reached the crash, they discovered that the object was _not_ a dropped satellite! It was a person!

The person was a man who appeared relatively young; he was perhaps in his early twenties. He was dressed in all red, but his shirt had a white maple leaf emblem on it. He also appeared to be wearing a red cape with more maple leaves printed on it. Before any of The Avengers could ask him any sort of question, the mysterious man spoke.

"Eh maple eh?" He questioned.

"What." Responded Captain America.

"Eh maple eh moose eh eh maple hockey eh and moose maple syrup? Eh?"

"What is he talking about?" Tony asked Steve.

"Oh, I'm very sorry eh. Sorry. Let me say again; I'm sorry eh. See, I didn't realize you don't speak Canadian eh."

"Canadian?" Questioned Natasha.

"Yes eh. Where I come from, the planet of Canadia, we all speak Canadian eh. You've never heard of Canadia eh?"

"I am unfamiliar with the planet you speak of." Said Thor. "Please, tell us more."

"Well eh, Canadia is a beautiful land where the rivers run with maple syrup and the moose run wild and free eh. Everyone is born with the innate skill of hockey playing eh. We have few laws on our planet eh. The first is that every sentence must be finished with an 'eh' eh. The second is that maple syrup must be used in every recipe eh. And finally, we must be polite to everyone we meet eh."

"Your entire planet only has three laws?" Captain America questioned.

"Correct eh. We don't need anymore because everyone's always nice to each other eh. We've only ever had one war and it was over whether moose or maple syrup are better eh."

"So who exactly are you? And how did you get here?" Tony asked.

"Me eh? Oh, I'm Captain Maple eh. I'm kind of like a superhero eh."

"A superhero?" Thor questioned.

"Yup eh. I can shoot maple syrup out of my hands and I can summon moose eh."

"Those are you powers?" Tony questioned. Those couldn't be his only powers, right?

"Yup eh. Pretty impressive eh?"

"Yes...very impressive." Natasha confirmed. What was up with this guy?


	2. Chapter 2

Natasha didn't have time to find out, for at that moment the alarm went off.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

The Avengers sprung into action, dashing back for the gray SHEILD building. Captain Maple stood in the dust.

"Guys eh? Can I help eh?" Captain Maple trailed behind the Avengers.

Tony Stark was debriefing the rest of the Avengers. "A huge fallen satellite...hurtling towards Canada!"

"We should shoot is down!" said Stark.

"No, hulk smash!" yelled Hulk.

"Hammer." Said Thor simply.

While they bickered, Captain America turned towards Captain Maple.

"What do you think?" He asked.

"What is a Canada eh?" Asked Captain Maple.

"Pretty similar to your home world of Canadia, I guess. They have moose, maple syrup, and are pretty polite..."

Captain Maple's eyes shown with sudden understanding- this wasn't any old meteor hurtling toward Earth... this was PERSONAL.

"I want to help eh." He said, but Captain America had already turned back to the group.

"I want to help eh." He said louder, but no one turned towards him.

"I WANT TO HELP!" He shouted, and all the Avengers shut up and turned towards him.

Captain Maple gasped, clapping his hands over his mouth. He had never raised his voice before. "You want to come?" Stark asked.

Captain Maple nodded. He gestured to Captain America. "From what the red, white, and blue man said, my skills will be helpful in this "Canada" place."

The others considered it.

Then finally, Tony said, "Alright."

They all boarded their private jet, headed for the far off realm of Canada.


	3. Chapter 3

"My name is Captain America by the way; not red, white and blue man. You can call me Steve."

"Iron Man, Tony Stark, whichever you prefer. Nice to meet you."

"Hulk!"

"Black Widow. Natasha works too."

"Thor."

"Nice to meet you all eh. Now how far away is this Canada place eh?"

"About two hours. If you don't mind my asking; why do you finish every sentence with 'eh'?" Captain America asked.

"Oh, see, on my planet – Canadia – we are required by law to finish every sentence with 'eh' eh."

"Well you're not on Canadia anymore. You're on earth. You don't have to follow their rules." Tony pointed out.

"That might be true, but I can't disrespect my planet eh!"

"You sound like 'red, white and blue man' over here." Tony commented.

"He's not as Canadian as me eh."

"Well, I didn't mean you were similar in that way."

"Oh eh."

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"So…if you two are done with your talk, we have an incoming message." Natasha stated.

"What's the situation?" Captain America asked.

"The satellite has hit Canada. We were too late." Natasha began. "Not only that, but there also appear to be strange beings coming from the satellite. SHIELD is working on determining what they are, but we are ordered to treat them as hostiles."

"People are attacking Canada eh?"

"Yes. Canada has been invaded." Black Widow confirmed.

"This might not be Canadia, but this place still seems similar to my home planet. No one hurts the moose!"

"He didn't say 'eh'…why didn't he say 'eh'?" Stark whispered to Steve.

"He doesn't say 'eh' when he's mad. He must really be serious about this." Steve replied, whispering as well.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

"An update from SHIELD!" Natasha said. "It looks as though these invaders are called 'Adanacs'."

"Adanacs! No! This can't be happening! Adanacs are the natural enemies to the people of Canadia. They are rude, hate moose, and allergic to maple syrup. How have they reached this planet!?"

"Captain Maple, what exactly happened when you came to earth? How did you get here?" Captain America questioned. "These people could have followed you here, without your knowledge."

"Well, I can't remember all of the details, but I remember some of what happened. It's a long story though eh."

"We still have a while until we reach Canada. We have time."

"Okay eh. Well, it all began when…"

~ To be Continued ~


	4. Chapter 4

"I was born almost 24 years ago on my beloved home planet eh. On the day that I was born, the Maple trees were particularly beautiful, they actually sparkled eh. My father said that it was a sign that I would go on to do great things for our planet eh. When I was one month old-"

He was interrupted by Tony. "Maybe skip a few years, eh, Syrup Boy?"

Captain Maple glared at Tony but did as he requested.

"When I was five my powers began to emerge eh. I accidentally ruined my family's living room when I drenched it in Maple Syrup eh. So, I was quickly asked to join our planet's group of fighting super heroes, despite my young age eh..."

He trailed off.

"What happened next?" Prompted Thor, rapt with attention.

"Well eh. I got thrown off the planet eh."

"Thrown off?" Asked Captain America, suddenly a little more wary of Captain Maple.

"What did you do?" Asked Natasha.

"I... I do not speak of it eh."

"Well, Syrup Boy, you better get speakin' because for all we know about you right now, you could be a murderer." said Tony.

"What is a murder eh?" asked Captain Maple.

"Its when you kill someone else." Captain America informed him.

"Why would anyone do that?!" Shouted Captain Maple, appalled.

"Just continue the story." Said Tony.

"I said that hockey was not my favorite sport eh." Captain Maple hung his head, and to everyone's surprise, began to cry.

"They threw you off for THAT? It's not even the best sport! Football is." Corrected TOny.

"No, its baseball." Said Captain America.

"Smash." Said Hulk helpfully.

"But hockey is our national sport eh...It is our life eh...And I disgraced it eh..."

"I'm sure it's not that big of a deal," Natasha patted his back.

"No...You do not understand eh. I joined... the curling team and not the hockey team eh!" He burst into tears again.

Everyone stared at him, completely baffled by how upset he was.

"Could the Adanacs have followed you?" asked Tony.

Captain Maple wiped his eyes and looked up at Stark.

"I do not know eh. But I do know that I will do this "murder" to them eh. If I destroy our greatest enemy, maybe Canadia will accept me again eh!"

"Um...right." Said Tony.


	5. Chapter 5

The jet landed in Canada.

Nick Maple was in a rage.

"Calm down." Said Captain America.

"No eh." Said Nick Maple. "I am too anxious to fight the Adanacs eh! I must destroy them eh."

The jet door opened, and the Avengers stepped of into the luscious land of Canada. From all the warnings SHEILD had sent them about the Adanacs, Canada was surprisingly quiet.

But not for long. Suddenly, Nick Maple began to bray, shouting a loud inhuman sound which echoed around the Canadian forest.

"What are you doing?" Stark was furious. "Now they'll know where to find us!"

Forms began to appear between the trees, and the Avengers readied themselves for battle. But to their surprise thousands of Meese (plural of Moose) came out of the forest, surrounding them in a circle.

"What is going on?" Shouted Natasha, unsure of how to respond to the Meese's appearance.

"They are my brethren eh." Said Nick Maple, petting one lovingly on the head.

More forms began to appear from the forest, but these weren't Meese- they were the Adanacs!

They were led by a particularly dashing alien, who looked angry.

"Nick Maple, surrender!" He shouted.

"Never, Sergeant Dillon Pickle eh!" Nick Maple shouted back.

The Meese all turned away from the Avengers, braying as one at the Adanacs, pawing the ground, anxious for a fight.

The battle had begun.


	6. Chapter 6

"He has a moose army….a _moose_ army!?" Tony shouted. "Why do I even bother."

"You have a problem with my meese eh?" Maple asked, offended.

"No, I just need to sit down for a second. I think I'm hallucinating."

"Is meese actually a word?" Captain America asked.

"I don't think so…" Natasha replied.

"Well, let's just let Maple have his fun and see what - ." Before Captain America could finish his sentence, he saw Captain Maple riding a moose towards the commander of the Adanacs.

"Sergeant Pickle! Surrender or face the wrath of my moose eh!" Maple shouted, furious that someone would invade a land as great as Canada.

"Never Captain Maple! Your people stole the resources of my people! All our syrup; gone! You shall never be forgiven! Adanacs; attack!"

On their Sergeant's command, the Adanacs began running towards the moose. They were ferocious creatures. They appeared to be a mutated combination of a bear and a mouse, of all things. They were giant creatures and had the body of a bear but the face and tail of a mouse. They were also green for some reason. Not even the Adanacs knew why they were green. Poor Adanacs.

"Moose army, ready your nose guards!" Captain Maple shouted at the meese, as he charged towards the Adanacs.

"Wait, what?" Stark questioned.

Suddenly the meese stopped charging and used their limbs to place metal plates on their noses.

"What." Stark stated, flabbergasted.

"Don't you know eh? If you bite a moose's nose, it becomes paralyzed! I have to protect my brethren eh!"

"…I give up. Just go fight the Adanacs. We'll help." Stark replied, defeated.

"Okay eh."

As soon as the meese were equip with their armor, the battle began. The meese and Adanacs charged at one another with everything they had. It was a battle forged out of the rage Captain Maple and Sergeant Pickle held for one another. It was truly an impressive display of skill. The Avengers quickly joined the battle, fighting off the Adanacs so Captain Maple could reach Sergeant Pickle.

"Why are there so many?" Captain America asked as he threw his shield at the Adanacs.

"I don't know! How did they all get here?" Natasha yelled as she used her martial arts skills to deal with the Adanacs.

"This logically makes no sense. All of these creatures traveled here on this little satellite? That's not even possible! We have a major plot gap here." Tony concluded as he hit the Adanacs with his laser.

Suddenly Loki appeared on the battlefield. "I'm not even in this story. I'm a major character! _That_ logically makes no sense." He yelled before disappearing.

"What. Logic. Why." Tony questioned yet again.

"SMASH!" Hulk yelled.

"Hammer!" Thor yelled.

The battle was well underway. Maple was close to reaching Sergeant Dillon Pickle. Everyone else was fighting the Adanacs. The meese were braying. Stark was questioning the logic of everything. Hulk was smashing. Captain America was being American. And _why_ did Loki appear? Tune in next time to see the outcome of this glorious battle!


	7. Chapter 7

Commander Dillon Pickle charged at his Canadian adversaries, hell-bent on the destruction of one in particular, Nick Maple. As he charged toward Nick Maple, dodging Iron Man's ion beams and Hulk's smashes, Commander Pickle could think of one thing – revenge. Moments before he was to collide with Nick Maple, the series of events that led him to this point flashed before his eyes…

It was a peaceful day on Adanacion, the Adanac home planet, and Dillon Pickle was frolicking in the strawberry syrup fields. Adanacion possessed immense reserves of the rarest of syrups, the most prized of which was their strawberry syrup. Dillon Pickle, only a young boy, was prancing about the fields, sampling the strawberries and the delectable syrup they provided. Then, suddenly, the sky grew dark. There was never a cloud on Adanacia, what could this be?

The sky burst open, yielding hundreds, perhaps thousands of foreign space ships. Upon further inspection, Dillon Pickle recognized the ships as those from Canadia. Hatred burned in his soul. For centuries, the Canadians had been Adanacion's greatest syrup rival, jousting for position as the single largest syrup supplier in the galaxy. Adanacion possessed great reserves of the rare syrups, while Canadia possessed the sought after golden brown maple syrup, of which Adanacion had none. So the rivalry had spanned the years, but now it seemed as though it was coming to a head.

Dillon Pickle sprinted through the strawberry fields as Canadian ships swooped down and stole the precious resources. Dillon Pickle couldn't understand. Why? Why now? The strawberries were harvested as the Canadians shot down Adanacian warcrafts and infantry on the ground. The scene quickly became sticky, literally, as the preferred weapon of both factions was high powered syrup cannons that did not kill, but completely immobilized enemies as they were stuck, in large blobs of syrup.

Dillon Pickle frantically phoned his father.

"Dad?! The Canadians! They're - "

Dillon Pickle's father cut his son off mid-sentence.

"I know son, they've taken it too far. They are stealing our precious reserves. Not to worry, I will defeat…. No it can't be! It's the warrior fortold… the one who can produce maple syrup at will! Its… Its Nick Maple!"

The sounds of sticky explosions and the struggles of his now syrup-entrapped father cut their conversation short. Dillon Pickle hung up the phone and watched helplessly as Commander Maple robbed the reserves of Adanacion. He was powerful, even though he couldn't have been any older than Dillon Pickle.

The battle was over before it began, and the Canadians retreated with their newfound wealth. Dillon Pickle was left to pick up the pieces of the life he once knew. Only a few days later, he was visited by a strange man named Loki. Loki took sympathy on Dillon Pickle, and told him the only way to avenge his people's honor was through revenge on Nick Maple.

So, Loki and Dillon Pickle trained together, and harnessed Pickle's strawberry-conjuring abilities. It turns out that Pickle was a prodigy on level with that of Maple.

It took Pickle years to track down Maple, but once he learned of Nick's exile from Canadia, he tracked him to Earth.

Back in the present, the battle raged on, Dillon Pickle hell-bent on destroying Nick Maple.

"Nick Maple! I will avenge my people! Even though I never did any investigations as to youd motive and I took everything Loki said at face value, I am completely justified in my anger! You will be nothing but a strawberry encrusted pulp when I am finished!"

To be continued


	8. Chapter 8

"So…Loki is behind all of this?" Tony concluded. "And what's this about strawberries? And why could everyone see that flashback?"

"I'll give you this strawberry if you keep it a secret." L said.

"What are you talking about? Who are you?" Captain America questioned.

"I am L."

Wait what? What is L doing in this story?

Umm…let's just go back to the battle.

"Sergeant Pickle! It's time for you to die!" Natasha threatened.

"Die eh? That's not the kind Canadian way. No, we will take him prisoner and I will bring him back to the land of Canadia." Nick Maple corrected.

"Why thank you for the considerate thoughts Nick Maple, but it is not me who will be captured! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sergeant Pickle said.

"I taught him to laugh like that!" Loki said. Wait, why is Loki back in this story? "They grow up so quickly!"

"Why do you keep coming back? And who was that L guy!?" Tony asked.

"L is the world's greatest detective." Light said.

"Kira!" L shouted.

"Wait, but I'm the world's greatest detective! Well, when I'm Sherlock Holmes. Not so much when I'm Iron Man." Tony said.

"Stop showing off." Captain America said. "We have a battle to fight."

"Well at least I have a successful career. Your only successful role was in Fantastic Four. No one even likes that movie anymore; not after the Avengers was released."

"CAN WE JUST GET BACK TO THE BATTLE?!" The author yelled, clearly frustrated over the imaginary battle these imaginary characters were having in this imaginary story.

"Bloody hell, I'm done. Have fun finishing this battle." The second author said before quitting. Yes, this story is actually being written by multiple people. Each of which have no concept of keeping the fourth wall. Oh well. Looks like it's up to me to finish the battle scene. So it shall be finished! …next time. Muahahaha!


	9. Chapter 9

"Nick Maple! Stop stalling! This battle ends now! Or at least within the next few chapters…we really need to move along. Get to some different plot points." Sergeant Pickle said.

"Wait, this story has a plot line?" Tony asked.

"No…no, it really doesn't. I think the stress of this battle has just gotten to the sergeant." Loki said.

"Stop randomly appearing!" Captain America yelled.

"No! I do what I want when I want!" Loki yelled before disappearing yet again. He's probably going to randomly appear once per chapter from this point on. Unless we decide to make him a major character or something…that probably won't happen though. Oh, right; I'm supposed to be writing the battle. Let's go back to that.

"Your reign of terror ends now Sergeant Pickle!" Captain Maple yelled.

"Reign of terror? What have I even done? Stop accusing me. That really hurts my feelings, you know." Sergeant Pickle replied.

"Oh sorry eh." Captain Maple said. "We can stop this battle if you want eh. Call it a truce and live in harmony with one another like true Canadians eh?"

"I'm Nicolas Cage…and you're my national treasure." Nicolas Cage said to Natasha. Why is Nicolas Cage now here, you may be wondering? Well, to put it frankly, that is because he is Nicolas Cage. Do I really need an explanation?

"What." Natasha said. "I'm done. I'm going back to HQ. Call me if this battle ever ends. Maybe I'll join you guys on another adventure. Maybe." And on that note, Natasha left.

"Wait for me, baby!" Nicolas Cage said while chasing after her.

"Well that was creepy." Tony remarked. "Now can we just start this battle already? You know what, I'm going to start it." And with that, he blasted Sergeant Pickle with his laser gun thingy.

"OW! That hurt you imbecile!" Dillon Pickle yelled. "Adanacs! Attack!"

"Avengers assemble!" Captain America yelled. "Nick Maple too!"

"Yay eh! I'm included eh!"

The battle was finally beginning, the Adanacs were attacking and the Avengers were fighting back. Tony was blasting his laser ray at the Adanacs while Captain America was smacking them with his shield.

Hulk was smashing.

"HULK SMASK!" Hulk yelled. "Wait, that's not right. HULK SMASH! There we go!"

Yes, quite. The Adanacs were fighting back. Adanacs don't actually have any powers though, so they weren't doing a very good job at fighting back and were quickly defeated.

"Captain Maple! It's up to you now! Defeat Sergeant Dillon Pickle!" Captain America yelled.

"Wait, why is it up to him? We're just standing here, doing nothing." Tony remarked.

"Well, it's more dramatic. Captain Maple has a grudge against Dillon and vice versa. It just makes for a better story if we let them fight each other." Captain America explained.

"Are we really going for a good story at this point? I don't think anything in this entire story makes sense. I mean, Nicolas Cage was here, L and Light were here…I don't even know what's going on anymore."

"But does anyone know what's going on? Aren't we all just humans lost in a world of confusion and uncertainty?" Hulk said.

"Are. You. On. Drugs." Tony stated.

"Probably." Hulk said.

"Remember kids; don't do drugs!" Captain America said.


	10. Chapter 10

"Nick Maple! This battle ends NOW! Enough of this gobbledygook!" Sergeant Pickle yelled.

"Gobbledygook? Is that a word?" Captain America asked. The other avengers shrugged in response.

"I'll run back to HQ and get a dictionary!" Captain Maple offered.

"SHUT UP ALREADY! Enough of this nonsense!" Sergeant Pickle yelled yet again. Dillon was clearly frustrated at this point. "Return the strawberry syrup or face my wrath!"

"Never eh! Moose army, attack! Again! This time for real though! Eh!" Captain Maple said.

The moose were braying, the avengers were attacking the Adanacs, blah blah blah. This description is the same as it's been for the last few chapters. Just go back and read another chapter if you forgot. Shouldn't take much time. These chapters are like…500 words max.

Anyway, skipping forward a few minutes.

The battle was almost over; Maple had almost reached Dillon. The Adanacs and the Avengers were still battling in the background.

"Nick Maple! In the name of all that is strawberry syrup, let this battle end now!" Dillon said.

"Syrup eh!? For the syrup! Eh!"

Captain Maple hopped on a moose and began riding towards Dillon, who was still sitting atop the previously dropped satellite. He quickly reached Dillon, who proceeded to jump off of the satellite so he could be face to face with Captain Maple.

"Before we end this, I just have to know…why did your people rob my planet of my strawberry syrup?" Dillon questioned.

"Eh, we just wanted it eh." Nick answered.

"What."

Well…apparently Canadians aren't as nice as most people think.

"We needed more syrup varieties eh. We Canadians prioritize syrup first, kindness second, and moose third eh. But syrup covered moose beat everything else eh!"

"You…eat moose?" The sergeant asked, appalled.

"No eh! Never eh! The moose are like our siblings eh! We just like it when they're covered in maple syrup eh!" Maple corrected.

"What." Dillon stated yet again. "This is getting weird. Let's just get this over with."

On that note, Dillon summoned a giant strawberry and threw it at Nick Maple, who dodged just in time. Nick began shooting syrup from his hands at Dillon, who used a strawberry to block the attack. Without Maple noticing, Dillon summoned another strawberry and threw it at him. Before Maple could react, he was hit by the strawberry and knocked back.

"Captain Maple! Finish it!" Captain America yelled.

"I can't! His power over the syrup is too strong!" Maple was almost defeated; he stood no chance against Dillon.

"Make it work, Captain Maple!" Tim Gunn said.

"Tim Gunn!?" Nick asked.

"Yes, it's me, Tim Gunn; fashion consultant, television personality, actor, and voice actor." (Thank you Wikipedia). "And it's time for this battle to end. Really though, this has been going on for five chapters. Let's end this already. Make it work, Captain Maple! You can do it!"

And on that note, Tim Gunn was gone and the battle was progressing yet again, only this time Nick Maple had motivation. He couldn't let his hero, Tim Gunn, down!

"I will end this battle in the name of moose, syrup, Canadia, and Tim Gunn! Eh!" Nick Maple yelled. He began to summon a mass amount of syrup above him.

"What are you doing!?" Dillon asked, concerned.

"This is my final attack eh. It all ends here, Dillon!" Nick said as he threw the syrup into the sky.

"What just happened?" Iron man asked.

"My final attack eh!" Nick Maple said. Suddenly it began to rain, only this wasn't regular rain; it was maple syrup.

"No! The syrup! It's not strawberry! It burnsssssss!" Dillon said as he began to lose consciousness. All the Adanacs lost consciousness as well.

"Ah, syrup covered moose eh. My favorite eh!"

"What happened?" Captain America asked.

"Don't you know eh? Adanacs can only tolerate strawberry syrup eh! They're allergic to pure maple syrup eh!"

"Wait, he's allergic to syrup? Why didn't we just distract him and have you hit him with maple syrup?" Tony asked. "Wait, what words just came out of my mouth."

"That would have been too logical eh!"

"Congrats Nick Maple, you made it work!" Tim Gunn said as he appeared yet again.

"Thanks Tim Gunn eh!" Nick Maple said.

"Hammer!" Thor shouted.

"Smash!" Hulk yelled.

Now that the battle has ended, will things finally go back to normal?

"Nope! Not at all!", is the answer you're looking for!


	11. Chapter 11

Nick Maple- The New Adventure Begins

Nick Maple and his new friends headed back to headquarters, Dillon Pickle firmly encased in a bird cage and tugged along in a red wagon behind Nick Maple. How did they capture him, you ask? I'm not really sure. I wasn't paying attention, so I guess I'll leave that part out. But let's just say a freeze ray was involved.

The avengers and Nick Maple hopped back into their jet, and they left Canada for America. Nick Maple seemed a bit sad about leaving a country that so reminded him of his own, but no one really cared.

A voice came on over the intercom. It was Black Widow!

"Black Widow!" Said Captain America helpfully.

"Hello." She responded. "This is not a courtesy call. We all need to head for New York City, pronto."

"What's wrong in New York?" Asked Tony.

"Just do it." Black Widow hung up.

The avengers shrugged, and then headed to New York.

Flying over New York, they began to notice that the city was glistening. Almost like it was covered in maple syrup!

"My syrup senses are tingling!" Yelled Nick Maple!

Dillon began to cry softly at the syrup, since none of it had strawberries.

"What on earth happened?!" Yelled Captain America.

And then they saw it- a spaceship, eerily similar to the one Captain Maple had flown in on, parked atop the empire state building.

"My brethren eh!" Nick Maple cried.

"I thought the moose were your brethren?" Asked Tony.

"All who love syrup are my brethren eh."

"Moose don't eat syrup."

"Do too eh."

As the avengers flew through the syrup encrusted city, they began to see more and more Canadian ships. It took them a few moments, but then they realized, IT WAS A FULL SCALE INVASION!

Thor, Hulk, Captain America, and Iron Man all turned to look at Nick Maple. "What a dramatic and inventive plot twist!" They all thought. Had Nick Maple just been distracting them with his syrupy ways? Was he really just the distraction while the Canadians covered America in maple syrup?

Find out next time in Nick Maple: The Less Awesome Captain America!


	12. Chapter 12

"So…we've been waiting here for a month now. Is someone going to do something or can I go home?" Tony asked.

"We can't do anything until the two idiots writing this story do something. So we're stuck. Fantastic." Captain America said.

"Wait eh. If we're talking, doesn't that mean those idiots are doing something eh?" Captain Maple realized.

"You're right! We can actually do something now!" Captain America shouted, overjoyed with the fact that he could actually do something productive for the first time in a month.

"Why are you listing to the traitor over here? Those are Canadian ships that are invading!" Tony said.

"Smash!" (I bet you can't guess who said that.)

"Hammer!" (Really…doesn't take a genius to figure this out.)

"Hey, am I ever going to be in this story?" Hawkeye asked. Oh yeah, Hawkeye is a member of the Avengers too. Whoops.

"No!" The Avengers all shouted in unison.

"Oh…okay then…back to the corner…the sadboy corner…hashtag sadboys…hashtag #sadboysforlife…" Hawkeye said as he walked to the corner and sat down, facing it.

"Umm…did he just speak in hashtag?" Captain America asked.

"Moving on!" Tony said.

"Why did you betray us Captain Maple!? We were just starting to become best friends…" Captain America said.

"Wait, you two have never really spoken to each other. Not often anyway. And we've only known Maple for a few days." Natasha pointed out.

"BEST FRIENDS KNOW IF THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS AND THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS FOR LIFE!" Captain America suddenly shouted.

"See what you did? Now he's gone crazy. Thanks." Tony said.

"I didn't do anything eh! I don't even know who's invading eh! Stop accusing me eh!"

"Not until you prove the moose are innocent!" Hawkeye shouted from the corner.

"No one asked you!" Natasha yelled.

"WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN OUR BEST FRIENDSHIP!? WHYYYYYYYYYY!" Captain America screamed.

What is going on. Seriously now. What.

"The maple syrup is a lie!" Tony yelled.

"That's not even the right quote eh! And how dare you insult the culture of my people eh!" Maple yelled as he jumped and tackled Tony.

"What the hell!?" Iron Man yelled. He punched Maple in the stomach and the moose enthusiast fell to the floor. "What is wrong with you!?"

"I don't even know who those invaders are eh! They aren't my people eh! I'm not even Canadian eh! I'm from Canadia eh! The planet eh!" Captain Maple yelled.

"Oh…right." Tony said.

"SO WE CAN STILL BE BEST FRIENDS!?" Captain America yelled.

"Sure eh!" Maple said.

"YES!" Captain America shouted.

"So if the invaders aren't with you, who are they?" Black Widow asked. "Wait, we're receiving a call. It's from the invaders!"

"Well hello dears! How would you all like to be in a musical!" The invader asked.

"What." The Avengers said simultaneously.


	13. Chapter 13

"Wait uh…what now?" Tony asked.

"I want you to star in my musical!" The strange, most likely insane, Hollywood lady stated.

"Why." Captain America said.

"Because you are already famous, darlings! I don't even have to do work to promote the show because _everyone_ will want to see their favorite heroes not only fight, but also sing and dance! It will be wonderful! The talk of the town for ages to come!" The definitely insane Hollywood lady said. "And I mean really, if _Spiderman_ can have a musical, so can you."

"Hey!" Spiderman shouted in defense. Wait, why is Spiderman here?

"No one even wants you here. Go to the sadboy corner with Hawkeye." The Hollywood lady said.

"Well…well…fine!" Spiderman shouted as he ran away, crying.

"Did she just call us 'darlings', eh?" Maple asked.

"It's Hollywood, Maple. Get used to it." Tony said.

"And who's this Spiderman eh?"

"I am a hero who deserves to be a member of the Avengers!" Spiderman shouted from the sadboy corner.

"You're in the sadboy corner, we're not supposed to talk when we're in the sadboy corner!" Hawkeye shouted. "We're supposed to contemplate the hollowness of life and why we were sent to this forsaken place of darkness and nothingness!"

"We're sitting in a corner. This is not a 'forsaken place of darkness and nothingness'. This is a corner." Spiderman said.

"IT'S THE CORNER OF SADNESS!" Hawkeye yelled.

"What are you on." Spiderman asked.

"SADNESS AND LONELINESS!" Hawkeye shouted as he began crying.

"Anyway…" Natasha started. "If you just want us to be in a musical, what's with all of the ships?"

"Oh, these darling? These are nothing but props for your new hit musical!" The woman said.

"Why does this keep happening." Tony asked. "Can't I just have a normal day? A day where there's no syrup wars, or moose armies, or crazy women asking us to star in musicals. Can't things just go back to normal?"

"Never! This is all _my_ doing!" Loki shouted.

"Loki!?" The Avengers shouted in unison.

"Yes! Loki! You will be _perfect_ for the musical!" The Hollywood woman said. She really needs to get a name. Maybe my cowriter will name her. Because I don't want to.

"What." Loki stated.


	14. Chapter 14

"So before we agree to this musical, can we at least get a name?" Natasha asked the Hollywood lady.

"My name…is…Mrs. Hollywood!" What a creative name… "See, the dramatic pause really adds to the dramatic drama of unveiling my dramatic name."

"Yeah, of course eh! Drama eh!" Nick said while applauding Mrs. Hollywood.

"Okay then…and it's Mrs. Hollywood?" Tony questioned.

"Yes darling! See, if you want to make it in Hollywood, you have to become Hollywood itself!"

"I was actually asking about the 'Mrs.' part. You're married?"

"Oh, but of course dear! I'm married of course…to Hollywood!" Roses suddenly appeared around Mrs. Hollywood. Roses. This is an Avengers fanfiction—not Ouran High School Host Club. Why did roses appear, you ask? Maybe it's because Mrs. Hollywood is secretly a superhero with the power to control roses! Or maybe she's an Ouran Academy graduate. We may never know her true story.

Umm….on with the story.

"You can marry a place eh?" Maple asked.

"Yes darling! Love is love! You can't let pointless laws created by those who don't understand love stop you!"

"So I can marry Canada eh!?"

"Do whatever the heart wants!"

"Yes eh! I will marry Canada eh!"

"Chapter over. This just got weird." Tony said.

"Weirder than usual anyway." Captain America corrected.


	15. Chapter 15

"Guys eh! Guys eh! Guys eh! So I know we're in the middle of a musical or some alien battle or something, and I know we still have Sergeant Dillon somewhere in our ship (we should really do something about that), but I have some wonderful news eh!"

"What's going on?" Captain America asked.

"It's…wait for it…pause for the dramatic effect…it's…it's…"

"Just tell us what's going on." Tony demanded.

"IT'S CANADA DAYYYY!" Nick Maple shouted.

"Canada Day? What's that?" Natasha asked.

"Is this some human tradition?" Thor questioned.

"Hulk smash?"

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT CANADA DAY IS!? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!? I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT CANADA DAY WAS UNTIL THIS MORNING, BUT NOW I KNOW WHAT IT IS BECAUSE IT'S THE BEST HOLIDAY EVER AND I DON'T KNOW WHY NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT IT!"

"Calm down Maple, just tell us what this Canada Day thing is." Captain America said.

"Canada Day is a glorious day in which Canadians everywhere celebrate the glorious birth of the glory of our glorious nation of glory, moose, maple syrup, and hockey eh."

"Does he remember he's not actually from Canada?" Tony whispered to Steve.

"Just let him have his fun."

"The tradition of Canada Day began when Canada itself was born eh. The settlers who would go on to become the first people of our glorious nation discovered Canada on a Tuesday eh. It was a nice Tuesday filled with lots of moose eh. These moose led the settlers to the mysterious land of Canada, where they discovered even more moose eh. The other moose were moose, so the settlers loved them eh. They discovered to settle in Canada so they could live among the moose eh. This is why the moose are our brothers eh. They taught the settlers the way of 'eh' eh. For in legends, the moose are the creators of the word 'eh' eh. These moose trusted the first Canadians with the knowledge of 'eh', in hopes that they would never abuse its power eh."

"What is this story?" Natasha asked.

"On Wednesday, just one day after the nation of Canada was found and the moose taught us the ways of 'eh', one of the settlers discovered a tree eh. This tree was a special tree eh. It was a maple syrup tree eh. Instead of leaves, maple syrup itself grew from the branches of this sacred tree eh."

"Does he know that's not how maple syrup works?" Tony asked.

"Probably not." Sergeant Dillon said.

"Oh, you are still here. We can use you in the musical." Tony said.

"Why me." Dillon added.

"The settler decided to keep the tree hidden from the others, in fear that they would tell the moose about the tree and then the moose would get mad at him eh. The moose would never get mad, because they are Canadian and Canadians are never mad, but the settler did not know this eh. He used the power of eh to destroy the maple syrup tree, so no one would ever find it eh. The moose gods knew what he had done as soon as he destroyed the tree, so they started apologizing to him. Instead of apologizing to them, he shouted 'eh' at them eh. The gods stopped apologizing and decided that the settler did not belong in the holy land of Canada eh. So they sent him to Alaska with the penguins eh. He lived in peace with them eh."

"Do penguins live in Alaska?" Dillon asked.

"No clue." Tony replied.

"And this is how the great land of Canada was born eh!"

"Maple, that story didn't really make much sense." Captain America said. "And it's nowhere near as great as the history of America."

"Canada is so much better than America eh! Sorry for getting mad but it is eh!"

"No."

"Yes."  
"America."

"Canada."

"USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!"

"Hey, this chapter is way too long, let's go back to the musical." Captain Tennessee said.

"But it's Canada Day, we needed to do a Canada Day special." Said Captain Maryland.

"This chapter is 700 words though. That's way too many words for this story."

"True. Let's just say America is better."

"Aw." Said Captain Maple.

"VICTORY!" Captain America yelled.


	16. Chapter 16

"Nick Maple! You put that phone down and start rehearsing!" Mrs. Hollywood yelled.

"But what about my tumblr and twitter followers!? What will they do without me!"

"Not my problem!"

"Just…one…more…tweet…eh!"

Suddenly the ceiling collapsed. Dramatic. And stuff. Oh, these two people also jumped through the hole in the ceiling. That's probably important.

"What's going on?" Captain America asked.

"Never fear, Triple T is here!" Shouted the mysterious people.

"Who?" Tony asked.

"We are…" The two members of Triple T began, "The Tennessee Technology Terminators!"

"Smash?"

"No Hulk, do not smash! For I am E and this is M, also known as Captain Tennessee! We are here to save Nick Maple from his technology addiction!"

"Why eh?"

"Because you cannot perform Les Nickmarables when you're addicted to social networking! And the show must go on! …I've always wanted to say that." Captain Tennessee said.

"And how are you going to do that eh?"

"Simple! Captain Tennessee is cursed with anti-technology powers!" Captain Maryland said.

"Why are you here? This isn't your plot arc." Captain Tennessee pointed out.

"Isn't this the musical about Nicolas Cage? And we have plot arcs?"

"This is the musical about Nick Maple. Y'all better get your facts straight, y'all."

"Oh. Well I might just stick around to watch you kill Maple's technology."

"How are you going to kill my technology eh?" Nick Maple asked. Suddenly his phone exploded. "Oh eh."

"I was just trying to make the tumblr app explode, y'all."

"How would you make an app explode?" Natasha asked.

"She's broken the kindle app, on her kindle." Captain Maryland said.

"Impressive. Just stay away from my suit." Tony said.

"CAN WE GO BACK TO THE MUSICAL NOW!?" Mrs. Hollywood yelled.

"Maybe next year." Captain Sadboy said.


	17. Chapter 17

Nick Maple was very confused… "What is Les Mis? He asked. "Is that a type of syrup, eh?"

"NO! Not everything in this world is syrup!" Mrs. Hollywood yelled.

"What are you talking about eh? Of course everything is syrup eh! This wouldn't be Canada if everything wasn't syrup eh!"

"This isn't Canada." Captain America said.

"Oh eh."

"CAN WE JUST GET ON WITH THE MUSICAL NOW!?"

"Of course eh!"

"Les Mis is a musical about hope, dreams, despair, and miracles! The beauty of this one production can compare to the beauty of Hollywood itself!"

"What about Canada eh?"

"THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CANADA!"

"It has everything to do with Canada." Whispered Captain America ominously.


	18. Chapter 18

"This musical can't be successful unless we master the main song; I Dreamed a Dream!" Mrs. Hollywood said. "And Nick Maple, _you_ are our star!"

"I'm the star eh!?"

"Yes, darling! If you mess up this one song, the musical will be ruined and my dreams will all be dead! Hollywood will probably want a divorce and then I'll be all alone!"

"So make it work, Nick Maple!" Tim Gunn said.

"This is too much pressure eh! I thought saving this land of Canada was a lot of work! I'd rather deal with the meese than you people!" Nick Maple said while walking off the stage.

"What just happened?" Tony Stark asked.

"Hollywood has finally gotten to him! It's just as I feared."

"But we've only been in Hollywood for three chapters…" Captain America said.

"What are these chapter things you speak of?" Thor asked.

"Smash?"

"That's the only word you've said this entire story! Why do I even bother being around you people eh!" Nick Maple said. Dramatically. And stuff.

"Smash!"

"Moose. Eh."

"Smash."

"Maple syrup. Eh."

"Smash."

"Hockey. Eh."

"Smash."

"Igloos. Eh."

"Smash."

"Health care. Eh."

"Smash."

"Polar bears. Eh."

"Smash."

"Ryan Gosling. Eh."

"Smash."

"Justin Bieber. Eh."

"Smash."

"So how long do you think this will go on for?" Tony asked Steve.

"I think Maple's running out of Canadian things." Steve replied.

"I am eh."

"Smash."

"Eh. Eh."

"Smash."

"Smash. Eh."

"Smash."

"This is getting stupid." Tony said.

"Yup." Steve agreed.

"WHEN WILL THIS MUSICAL ACTUALLY START." Mrs. Hollywood screamed.

"Oh yeah, this is a musical. Eh."

"Smash."


	19. Chapter 19

"Can we just speed this musical up!? We need to get to the new plot arc already!" Tony Stark yelled.

"YOU CANNOT RUSH PERFECTION!" Screamed Mrs. Hollywood.

"YES WE CAN!" Captain Tennessee and Captain Maryland yelled.

"Who are you two!?" Everyone simultaneously asked.

"We were just here last chapter, y'all. Thanks for forgetting about us, y'all." Captain Tennessee said sassily.

"And we're the authors! We can do whatever we want, and we want to get to the plot arc with Nick Maple's evil twin!" Captain Maryland added.

"Evil twins? Isn't that a little cliché?" Captain America asked.

"Yeah, probably." Captain Maryland said.

"ONTO THE MAIN SONG, Y'ALL! SING NICK MAPLE, SING! Y'ALL!" Shouted Captain Tennessee.

"It's time for my final song, eh!"

The lights began to fade as Nick Maple walked towards the center of the stage. This moment was the moment everyone had been working towards. If Nick Maple screwed this up, that would mean these last five chapters were all for nothing.

"There was a time when men were kind.

When their voices were soft, and their words apologetic.

There was a time when love was high.

And Canada was a song, and the song was exciting.

There was so much politeness.

And it all went right."

"Why is he making this about Canada. THIS ISN'T ABOUT CANADA!" Mrs. Hollywood yelled.

"YES IT IS EH!"

"SING NICK MAPLE, SING!" Captain Tennessee yelled.

"I dreamed a dream of Canadia gone by,

When syrup ran free and I was hungry.

I dreamed that hockey would never die.

I dreamed the Moose God would be forgiving.

Then I was Canadian and loyal.

My dreams were made and used and fulfilled.

There were no taxes to be paid,

No anthem unsung, no bacon untasted.

But the bears come at night,

With their voices soft as Niagra.

As they build your pride up,

And they turn your dream to reality.

I had a dream my life would be,

So different from America,

So different from Canada.

Now life has loved my Canadian dream."

"Did you just make that up on the spot?" Captain America asked.

"Yup eh! Wasn't it great eh!"

"No! It was wrong, all wrong!" Yelled Mrs. Hollywood.

"I WROTE THAT MYSELF. DON'T MAKE ME DROP A SATELLITE ON YOU, Y'ALL!" Captain Tennessee screamed.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY MUSICAL!"

"I MADE IT 11978375 TIMES BETTER!"

"YOU RUINED MY DREAMS!"

"Can we go now, eh?" Nick Maple asked.

"Yeah, let's get out of here." Captain America

"Bye Mrs. Hollywood, eh!"

"YOU ARE BANNED FROM HOLLYWOOD, NICK MAPLE. BANNED!"

"Oh well eh. I can sing about Canada whenever I want eh." And so Nick Maple began to sing. And he didn't stop singing until Captain Tennessee dropped a satellite on him. Y'all.


	20. Chapter 20

"Well I'm glad that's over with, eh!" Said Nick Maple. "I hate singing and dancing."

"But I loooooooooooooooooooooooove it." Came a mysterious voice, that sounded eerily similar to Nick Maple's.

"Who said that?" Asked Tony Stark.

"SMASH?" Asked Hulk, looking around himself.

"It is I, Nicolas Maple."

With a puff of purple sparkly smoke, a very fashionable man popped up in their midst. The funny thing was—he looked EXACTLY like Nick Maple! All of the Avengers gasped.

"Oh, great, eh." Muttered Nick Maple.

"Do you know this guy?" Questioned Black Widow.

"I'm standing right here, Darling. You can talk to me you know."

Black Widow gave him a sassy look.

"Guys, this is my twin, Nicolas eh. And just to make sure this is really clear… He's evil. Like banned from Canadia and excommunicated evil, eh."

"Oh little brother, why do you have to tell everyone my deepest, darkest secrets? Especially in front of this rather… dashing young gentleman?" Nicolas Maple touched Captain America's arm. Captain America jumped back and turned tomato red, looking from Nick to Nicolas, trying to figure out what to do.

"What are you even here for eh?" Asked Nick.

Nicolas shrugged his shoulders. "I plan to take over this puny little planet. If I can't live in Canadia… I suppose this will do…"

"NEVER!" Screamed Nick Maple.

"Anyways… catch me if you can! Toodles!"  
Nicolas grabbed Captain America's arm again, and the two disappeared in a puff of pink purple smoke.

"We have to rescue him!" Yelled Black Widow.

"To the jet!" Yelled Stark.

"It's a trap!" Yelled Nick Maple.

"SMASH!" Roared hulk.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	21. Chapter 21

Meanwhile in the purple sparkly smoke dimension, Nicolas Maple was hurtling through time and space, color and line, syrup and...uhh...anti-syrup. You get it.

"I must say, I did a fabulous job of vexing that uncouth slob and his little friends." chuckled Nicolas Maple.

He turned his head over to one side. His eyes dilated with excitement.

"Oh of course I don't mean my kawaii Cappy-chan," he said, smiling from ear-to-ear. "Just all those other drab costumed-crusaders."

"Yes, yesssss," squeaked a voice in response.

Nicolas fabulously spun around, searching for the origin of the voice that went skritchy-scratch on his ears.

"Who said that. Come out and reveal yourself to me." he queried. His fabulous eyes darted around the void until they landed upon a short shadowy figure.

As the figure approached the Canadianite heard a strange and disarming tune.

"Rats, rats,

we're the rats...

We stalk at night

we prey at night.

We're the rats."

The figure stepped out the shadows and its true (and final) form became apparent to Nicolas.

"I'm the giant rat

that makes all of the rules!"

It was the Giant Rat That Makes All Of The Rules, also known as G.R.T.M.A.O.T.R. But let's just call him Gromt Rat.

Wait why is Gromt Rat here?

"Hello Nicolas," said Gromt Rat. "I'm here to offer my troops to you to use against that annoying Captain Maple."

"Yay!" said Rat Soldier 1.

"Oh boy! We're going to fight!" remarked Rat Soldier 2.

"Hey boss! Boss! We got big problems! The cat police is here! We need to get out of here!" cried Rat Soldier 3.

"You gotta be kidding me right now the cat police. Get us the heck away from here right now," exclaimed Gromt Rat.

Gromt Rat and his army zipped past Nicolas and further into the Purple Sparkle Dimension, leaving Nicolas alone and confused.

"Wat..." murmured Nicolas. Don't worry Nicolas, they'll never appear again...EVER.

Meanwhile back on Earth,

"Stars and Stripes!" patrioted Captain America.

"Hammer!" thundered Thor.

"Smash!" quaked Hulk.

"Unibeam!" beamed Stark.

"Eh!" ehhed Captain Maple.

"Alright cut everyone! That was perfect! We're done for today!" exclaimed the author. "Thanks for all the hard work, Avengers."

All the Avengers relaxed and let out a sigh of relief that their hard work was done.

"That's a wrap...for now."


End file.
